I can’t sleep
For the past month I have been unable to sleep before 5am. Even now, it is well into early morning and I am caught typing this entry. I don’t think it’s healthy… and as I quickly scour the googlymatron, I can say that 94% of online doctors agree. Thanks WebMD!
For me, the most frustrating part of not being able to sleep at night is that I lie awake(duh!) and think. Endlessly thinking about the most irrelevant, insane, and obtuse subjects. To keep the subject matter PG-13, I won’t be delving into my thoughts in great detail. However, I will start by exploring the reasons why I cannot ****ING sleep!
First, I thought it would be because of my recent change in scenery. As some of you might know, I have made the treacherous journey across rough waters from my hometown of Victoria, to the seemingly metropolis of Vancouver. Big deal right? Moving, so I am told, is a stressful process where one must uproot their current comforts and place themselves into a foreign environment. But my move didn’t phase me too much. I planned far enough ahead that I had decent bank, a place to stay, and a ton of friends to support me.
It could be blamed on the one serious factor of being unemployed. Having recently graduated and hearing about my classmates go on to greater pastures in greater industries, I took a good look at reality and planned accordingly. I love marketing, and I would love to one day work in an ad agency making commercials; however, I realized that my awesome university experience only gave me the skills to strategize… I lacked the technical skills to be of any asset in my field.
Lacking skills was not the only factor limiting my motivation to “shoot for the gold”, as they might say. Last year, I had the pleasure of doing a co-op term in Vancouver. And though it was a lot of fun, it came with some casualties. Unfortunately for me, what was supposed to be a fun, energetic experience for me turned out to be three different jobs, consisting of about 50 - 60 hour work weeks. I barely had time for anything, or anyone :( I made a promise to myself that when I returned I would not allow myself to be overwhelmed again.
And so, I came to Vancouver to look for a non-stressful job that could help me gain some skills in my field. Luckily for me, I was able to recently find a job. This saved me the excruciating dishonour of asking my parents for money. I never liked doing it, and I hope it will never come to that… ever!
Second is a bit of a personal note. Do you ever lie awake just thinking of how things could play out better? You don’t regret anything, and you don’t think you failed, but you still run the scenarios over and over. Like a game. To see how it could’ve been improved. Well that’s what I do when I lie awake. And I guess it’s my own fault for making myself run these situations.
But counting sheep doesn’t do jack ****!
Third. It tends to happen a lot, that when I have this insomnia I get random bursts of energy that jolts me awake. I get to thinking that maybe I should do some push-ups or go for a run. But then I think to myself…
“you are in you’re ninja turtle jammies… and it’s SO DAMN COLD outside!”
Which is legitimate :D though this is my excuse for exercising at anytime, any day…
CAN’T SLEEP!
Sometimes you gotta hate that you’re mind keeps running when it should really just shut the **** up!
goodnight?
hope so…
jL out!
